Am I still have feeling? I don't know. Happy? Sad? from body of antinomy. I mazing my self. I just know, follow my mind, free.... I feeling lonely. Everybody also loney. But I find I was love the feeling, then I mazing my slfe. Something are fated, something just can be terrified by the sight of sth. or sb. I was thinking I don't belive the fate, but seems I do believe and resigned. I thinking, I am such a girl, loneliness to be my nourishment, solitude is action of my loves life. I doing resigned. I am looking the happiness, it's hold in my hand. I throw by it by my sading... and then I crying go into hiding. Tell my self so sorry, seems treachtreachery me of whole world, already. Love, what's love? I don't understand. Like by hold in. Seems. You see: he singing so deeply and loving from heart in downstairs, for me. I am hearkening...... I doing feelingly for sure, but I doing put a bold face on sth. Pretending. I want writing something. I knew I cannot writing. But the writing is my only thing I do repose. I believe, it is. He kissing me, say to me:"Sorry, I know I made mistake, I wrong, so sorry..." I feeling quiver with heart. I cannot expression how much sad of my heart from my blankly face. He looking me writing by side. But he cannot understand what I am writing, even one word. He speaking ceaselessly. But I cannot hear, just typing, typing, typing...... What I am typing? Who can help me now? I don't know, really. Am I reall drunk? Having a whirling sensation and a tendency to fall.

我还有感觉吗？我不知道！身体里的矛盾组织是喜是悲，我已经迷失了。 我只知道，随我所想。 我感觉孤独，每个人都孤独。可是当我发觉爱上这种感觉时，我迷失了自己。 有些东西命中注定是自己的，可是有些只能望而生畏。我自认为自己不信命，但是似乎我有些认命。我想，我就是这样，孤独是我生长的养料，寂寞是我热爱生命的表现。我任命了。 我看着自己抓在手上的幸福，我伤心的不舍得地把它扔在一旁，然后躲在一边哭泣。告诉自己很伤心，好象世界背叛了自己，已经。 爱，爱是什么？我真的不清楚。似乎抓到了，我似乎。 你瞧，他在楼下深情地唱着从心里萌发的爱歌，为我。我在楼上听着…… 明明是很感动，却要装作心理满不在乎。 我想要写些什么东西，我知道我什么都写不出来，但是这是我的唯一的寄托，我相信，这是的。他亲我，对我说：“对不起，我知道我做的所有的都是错的，对不起。”我心头一颤，毫无表情的脸上无法表达我心里的悲伤和失落。 他跪在我的边上看我写些什么，但是他不能看懂，一个字也看不懂。他不停地说话，我一句也听不进去，只知道不停地打字，打字打字打字…… 我打些什么字呢？谁来帮助我，我真的不知道，难道我真的是喝了那么多酒醉得昏天黑地了吗？